Sometimes we find ourselves in incredibly awkward situations. One mistake we sometimes make is to blurt out a response without thinking. Many years ago I went through the most intensive job interview process I have experienced. I was going for my boss’s job as Manager of Training. I was interviewed separately by six chief officers. I had been with the company many years and had concrete strategies for internal changes and ways to improve service delivery for our clients. I put together a business plan with everything mapped out. I had never put so much effort into a job interview. I was up against people that had more educational credentials than I did. I made it to the top two choices and went to the meeting in which I would find out I did not get the job. The interviewer said, “We’ve decided to go with Kay. However we were very impressed with your business plan. We were wondering the, “essence of team spirit,” if you would be willing to give your business plan to her moving forward?”

I was shocked by the audacity of the request and holding back emotion and negative comments. Wouldn’t you be? So here is the dilemma. If I say, “no,” then I could be perceived as not being a team player. If I say, “yes,” she moves forward taking credit for my ideas. It sounded like a lose-lose situation for me. So I took my ten seconds to process what was being asked. Then I said, “thank you for the compliment. I will take it into consideration.” They never asked again.                                                                                               

 

Character is forged in the smallest of struggles.   Then, when the big challenges come, we’re ready. Waiter Rant

 

Many situations lend themselves to taking ten seconds before being pressured into something you don’t want to do or will regret later. Often we say yes when we really want to say no. Then you end up inconvenienced or taken advantage of. In these types of situations you need a firm way to communicate. Let’s look at a strategy for saying no.

Empathize with their situation. State that you are unwilling. Offer another option if possible.

                                                                                                                                                                     Let’s Let's look at some sample empathy statements. “That’s got to be a stressful situation.” “I understand that you are really in need of help.” “I can see you’re in a bind.” “Moving is a big job.” “I can relate to your dilemma.”

After empathizing you directly say no with the following phrase. “I’m unwilling to do that,” or “I’m not going be able to help out with that.” You are never obligated to say why so don’t feel like you have to make excuses. And always avoid using the word, “but.” It sets the wrong tone. If you can offer another option, that’s great. So let’s put the strategy together. We’ll say someone at work asks you to cover for them if they are late from lunch. You could say: “I understand how challenging it can be to get errands done at lunch. I’m not willing to make up something to say to our boss. Have you considered asking him for a little longer lunch today?”

When you sharpen your communication skills and give yourself a ten second pause you’ll find you’ve taken a big step towards reducing stress in your life.

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”  1 Peter 5:7